This one takes on a rather direct & harsh tone, but that’s intentional since I really needed to drive home the point! 🙂

I usually write based on my experiences and what I’ve learnt from them…

Here’s a dig at our “looks-conscious” society…. Hope you enjoy reading it and also learn something from it… 😉

So I don’t know how it works in other cultures, I don’t even know if this is culture specific, but it definitely happens in India.

Some godforsaken aunt or a distant relative (or even a close relative), will see you after ages and the first thing they say is “OMG, have you put on weight?” or “Why has your skin gotten so dark/tanned? “ OR “What are those spots on your face?”…etc. etc. Mind you, these KIND and loving remarks are also thrown more at girls/women than at men.

At such times what happens to the person who is being sized up this way….Let’s enter the mind of this person – she/he is mostly thinking/feeling any or all of the following –

1.      OMG am I looking so terrible?

2.      Am I really fat?

3.      How do I get my skin back to normal?

4.      How do I go out of the house looking like this – in extreme cases

This also results in that person’s self-esteem, self-confidence and sometimes even self-belief being at an all-time low! Now while I agree that this person, has in all probability planned to learn these as their life lessons, let’s not get too kind and rub those lessons in their face now!

To all the girls and even guys who’ve been subject to this and have suffered, you need to remember this –

1. You are god’s creation just like everyone else is. And God can never make anything that’s imperfect. So you are perfect in spiritual truth. Love and Respect yourself.
2. Accept yourself as you are, that’s the best gift you can give yourself.
3. Remember, it’s important to be healthy – whatever that means TO YOU! Your body will tell you. Each one’s body is different. So tune into yours to understand it
4. It’s important to be happy – again whatever that means as PER YOU!
5. The next time some aunty(or even uncle) comments on your weight or skin what you should ideally be thinking is –

a.      When gravity doesn’t have a problem with my weight who the hell are they to?

b.      Are they paying for my food or my dermatologist and am I going over-budget? Lol

c.       Am I their responsibility? Because the last I knew, I wasn’t!

d.      Are they going to find me an eligible suitor? Is my marriage their headache?

e.      What kind of a person ignores my heart, soul and intelligence and is bothered only about my appearance!

• As you think all this, just smile at them. They will have no clue as to what they did to make you happy when actually they expected to project their inadequacies on you and upset you as well! Don’t fall for that!
• Now some people may also give you this piece of crap, “We only say, because we care”. The logical thing is why would someone care about YOUR weight and skin when they don’t even live with you? Forget live, they hardly see you! It makes no bloody sense! How does it even matter to them?
• However, there are also people who genuinely do care and worry about your health and may realize that you are probably deeply upset about something and that is now showing up on your body this way, and they would express concern and would want to help you out. Such people, you will be able to tell apart as you will never have self-esteem issues when they express their concern. You will feel their care and love.

So I just want to say this that we must move beyond looks! Because if you stay stuck there, relationships won’t last, because obviously no one looks good forever! Yes, looks are important, that’s how the human psyche works, but they are not the be all and end all of it all! I’d rather you say, “Oh you can be a bit more compassionate” as compared to “Ohh you better watch your weight.” How does that make any difference to anyone? If there must be criticism it rather be constructive and productive. Age and weight are actually just numbers. We must want someone’s overall health! And we must realize that if they are happy, they are good to go!

So all you relatives out there who seem to think that you are in charge of ensuring the planet has all perfectly beautiful human beings, look deeper – go beyond looks and you will realize that it is already so! God has created perfect beings across species.

With no offence meant to anyone, it’s high time we value people instead of bodies and humanity instead of skin!

~ AARYA (Shweta V)